Monday, May 6, 2013

Opening Farewell

I've been feeling pretty nervous about writing this particular post. I mean, the minute we start talking about big shifts or changes we want to make in our lives, those changes aren't dormant anymore. I don't think it's been a secret. But while most of the staff at VEERA YOGA knows, I wanted some sort of platform to share it with the people who have impacted me more than any paid or famous teacher: the people who showed up in class. You. The flexible, the inflexible, those who wanted to be vulnerable, to do something that mattered to them.

Already I'm crying while writing this, but we can blame that on faulty tear ducts. I want to tell you that I will be leaving the studio at the end of June.

When I realized I was catapulting towards this decision I wasn't sure if I was ready to commit to it. Valid reasons piled on excuses for why I should stay and for why I should go. I've said that being a yoga teacher, really sitting in that role, means being in a permanent state of processing thoughts, feelings, experiences. I process the big stuff slowly. I feel things deeply; extracting meaning and action from those feelings can feel like marching through wet cement.

I need to leave because it's time. I love my family here more than I could express, and the opportunities and experiences at this studio continue to challenge and inspire me. But starting last October, as I made occasional trips to southern California, my heart began to feel restless, and couldn't quiet. Then in November when I started an intensive creative writing project I began remembering parts of myself that I hadn't paid attention to in years.

This is the beauty of good art when we can truly be vulnerable with ourselves: the product becomes a metaphor for where we are and where we need to go. I began to understand that I was trying to tell myself something, but I had no idea what the hell that something was. What it meant.

If your heart is restless, listen. Honor that restlessness. This has been my lesson these last months, and I am still slow to learn, slow to recognize.

There will be many transitions in the next two months; my hope is to navigate them with as much grace as possible. I am working with a wonderful woman, Tricia (she teaches the Feng Shui workshops at VEERA), to take over the yin yoga classes. Tricia has such amazing presence and sensitivity to energy, and has graciously agreed to step in. You will be left in very good hands. I will also come back to town to teach the yin teacher training at the end of July (plus any extra trips back to say hello!). 

Beyond this, I will continue teaching to the best of my ability through the end of June. Feel free to check the schedule to see when I am teaching; I've cut back a bit to allow for space to feel and plan my next step. I don't have clear plans yet, but I trust that my path is leading me down south. Sometimes we really do just have to free fall.

If you have any questions or words for me that you are comfortable posting publicly, please feel free to leave a comment below and I will do my best to answer. Otherwise, you are welcome to pull me aside at the studio. I want to be available and my main hope in this post was to create an open space.

I love you all very dearly, and I feel so grateful to have spent my last two and a half years here. You have been my teachers.  

With gratitude,